[FREE] A Dream Deferred

I wanted to be a model. Work for one of the top companies like Elite Model Management or FORD models. I had talent too. My photos were some of the best the photographers have ever taken. Having diversity was key, and I had it. It was my dream to rise to the top. To have multiple clients waiting to take photos of me. To fight, over me. But this dream was deferred.

I met a guy who had everything I was looking for. We fell in love a few years later and got married. Then I got pregnant with Emily, and it changed my whole world as I knew it. No one wanted to photograph someone for the cover of Vogue who was fat. No one would buy such a magazine, so I was put out of work. Out of my dream.

There was no possible way I could get back to where I was. They would have forgotten my name, my unique qualities, so I would have to prove myself worthy once again. How long would that take? Another eight years of my life? I would no longer be a young and fresh face but rather an attractive mid-aged woman. They would pick a younger woman over me in a heart-beat.

So here I sit, stirring my wine around the brims of my glass, listening to my baby cry. She has been screaming for hours now but I just sit by the door as calmly as before. She ruined my life. Why should I help her when she’s done nothing but destroy the one thing i enjoy? Maybe it's just the wine talking but I truly believe these things.

I run my fingers over the cold surface of the metal object on my lap and give a disturbing giggle.

I open my mouth slowly, “So this is how it’s going to end.”

With a breeze of courage and foul thoughts I bring the opening of the pistol to my head. Then I give one last pose before pulling the trigger.

[RE] Homework

“Now I understand the point of teachers giving homework, so we could learn. But homework encourages students to not want to learn, because of the large amounts of assignments given to us.”

This quote is from Nick Sarmiento’s blog.

Homework can be the best thing or you’re worst nightmare. I’ve experienced it both ways. I for one have trouble staying awake in class or listening to a long lecture. I loved math last year. Yeah I know I’m a nerd, whatever. But now I dread each time I walk into that class. The work is beyond hard and we get swamped with homework every night, including weekends. At first I was frustrated at the amount of homework that he would give us but then I realized, in a way, it’s a good thing. Since it’s hard for me to focus on my teacher’s lectures that drag on and on, I simply take good notes and review them when I get home. And the large amount of problems assigned is just to help me practice the material.

Chemistry is kind of the opposite. I love that class so I always do my best to pay attention. It’s just when my teacher begins to take notes I start to get sleepy. But it’s easier to snap out of my trance because I actually enjoy what I’m doing. Luckily my chem teacher barely gives out homework but when he does I procrastinate doing it. It’s not that I don’t know how to but that it’s hard to get my mind back into “chemistry mode” when I’m at home.

[CE] Releasing Noah's Ark

Hey, Ohio? Yeah, how could you guys possible not know or hear of a man keeping over 50 exotic animals on his property? Just wondering because one would think news like that would travel fast. It’s a shame that it had to get to the point where the animals were released for you all to notice.
Where did this 62 year old guy even get these animals? I can understand how he got the bears because those are more common, but the lions and tigers are a different story. Can’t you only find those in zoos or in their natural habitats? I highly doubt there are tigers randomly wandering through Ohio’s forests. Ohio law makers need to get a grip on this situation by making sure no one is allowed to own these kinds of animals. First of all it’s unfair to the animals due to the lack of space and proper care. And secondly it’s a danger to society for an unprofessional to be keeping these animals.
This guy obviously had some personal issues and I don’t blame him for his actions. I don’t think he let the animals go based on knowing they would be killed but more for letting them finally have freedom. Although I think it was careless and cruel for Ohio to shoot practically all the animals. Some of these were rare animals that we should have captured not killed. They basically took the easy way out of a chaotic situation. Ohio, you have a lot of work to do.

[FREE] Grandma's Pink Pearls

   My hands shook as I I laid my hands on the wooden chest. I wasn’t suppose to be in my grandpa’s room but he was busy mowing the front lawn. Hopefully I would be out by the time he finished. My arms pushed open the chest’s lid as hard as they could and let it lean against the faded wallpaper. The inside was filled to the top with old items. To most people it would look like a pile of junk, but not for me.
   It was my grandma’s stuff that my grandpa must have put it in here after she had died. Well, that’s what we thought had happened. She disappeared two years ago and we just assumed the worst. I reached in and pulled out the necklace of pink pearls she always wore around her neck. They always looked so beautiful on her, maybe they would on me too. My hands then greedily hooked them around my neck as my eyes searched the chest for more treasures.
   I pulled out a stack of old photos and began to search through them. They were from my grandparents’ wedding. My grandma stood young and proud in her long-sleeved gown and my grandpa in his black tux. I moved the picture to the back when the next picture suddenly fell to the ground. It was another photo of my grandparents on my wedding day but it was ripped in half. In the next one my grandma’s head was cut out. And in the next she was burned out of the picture. I was more confused than worried about why someone would do this. My grandma was the sweetest person I knew and these altered pictures showed hate.
   Then it hit me. This was my grandpa’s chest and it was in his room, where no one was allowed. Could he have done this? No, of course not. He loved my grandma. Didn’t he?
   My grandpa then emerged from the doorway, his face filled with anger I had never seen before, “What did I tell you about going in my room?!”
   “I’m sorry grandpa! I was just looking.”
   “No get out! Get out!” He screamed.
   I would have liked nothing more than to leave but I felt as if I was glued to the floor. My body trembled in fear as I began to cry, this wasn’t the same grandpa I knew.
   “Can’t you hear child?! Leave!”
  In the moment of anger and frustration he grabbed one of his many beer bottles on his desk and slammed it against my skull.
  I woke up in my own bed screaming at the top of my lungs. I stopped when I realized I was safe, it was only a dream. My shirt was damp with sweat and I felt slightly dizzy. I didn’t remember coming home but I pushed that out of my mind as I stumbled to the bathroom. Water filled my cupped hands and I splashed it on my face. The water felt amazing against my burning skin, and for some reason my head was throbbing. I looked up into the mirror and met the gaze of my own tired eyes. And when my eyes reached the pink pearls around my neck I suddenly didn’t feel tired anymore.

[CE] The Big Bang Theory

I don't expect anyone to watch this whole thing but maybe just take a glance at it.

I don’t know if this is considered a “current event” but it’s an event that I currently want to talk about so, I guess I will. We were talking about this in Chemistry today and it just made me really depressed. Mr. Joo told us that at one time the whole universe was together and then it expanded (the Big Bang Theory) creating the universe we know today. But the thing is the universe is still expanding and once it reaches a certain distance, gravity will stop it, and begin to pull the universe together. Later on when the universe is one again the Big Bang Theory may happen again. Of course if this does happen it wouldn’t occur till several generations beyond ours. But it still astonishes me.

It’s not just the idea of the Big Bang Theory that fascinates me but the idea that this has happened before. Because if our universe is beginning to come together and perhaps recreate the big bang theory why couldn’t this have happened in the past? We could possibly be the hundredth generation this has happened to. The hundredth universe created. The hundredth generation to be wiped out by the Big Bang Theory.

Am I the only one who finds this terrifying? And what if we do have another universe created by the Big Bang Theory and there is no sun? No energy source? Will the next generation be able to survive or even be created? And will we ever find answers to these puzzling questions?

[RE] Thrift Shopping:D

“Some people might think shopping in a thrift store is… I don’t know gross; because the clothes are used.”

                A lot of people become hesitant when thinking of shopping at a thrift store. When people think of buying clothes they expect them to new. I used to only think this way too, but the thing is you can find some really unique pieces at a thrift store. Of course people prefer new clothes to used ones but not all used clothes are in bad shape. Most are in good condition if not still new looking.

                I’m personally really into vintage clothing. Like leather boots, laced pieces, patterned buttoned blazers, high-waist shorts, floral patterns, etc. At least that’s my version of vintage. And guess what? You can find a lot of these pieces at a thrift store! Usually no one else with have the same clothing as you and it further defines your personal style.

                I really want to buy some jumpers and a pair of Toms. This is off topic from the quote but I just wanted to mention it.(: My outfits are usually based off what I’m doing and one piece of clothing I really want to wear the next day. Like if I have PE the next day I’ll wear something easy to change in and out of. And if I really want to wear my grey Vans the next day I’ll pick out an outfit that goes with them. It just usually works out like that.

                                              This quote is from Annie Zhu’s blog.

[BC] Steve Jobs

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

—Steve Jobs, in a 2005 speech

   Steve Jobs makes some very interesting points in this excerpt from his speech. I strongly agree with his advice of "living everyday as if it was your last." It's true that we'll never know when death decides to pay us a visit; All we can do is cherish every day we are given. Although, this isn't the easiest thing to do. We all have bad days where things just don't want to go our way. And honestly, I don't think it's possible to have a day good enough to be considered your last.
   If I was to plan my perfect last day, I don't think I would spend it with my family. If I did my day would just be spent crying over not begin able to see my family anymore. That doesn't sounds like a fun way to spend my last day. I want to be able to enjoy it! So I would either want to be alone or with whatever boyfriend (or husband) I had at the time. The day would be spent doing the things I've always wanted to do. And at night I'd lay out alone underneth the stars and reflect on my life. But the thing is I don't know when my last day will come, so it's not possible for me to plan this out ahead of time.
   If I started following Steve Job's advice tomorrow I think I would learn to be less shy. I'm not the most confident person but if I focused on this message everyday day I don't think I would care as much about of what others think of me. I wouldn't care about messing up or looking stupid cause you only get one life, so you shouldn't let others keep you from living yours to the fullest. I think I would also begin to truly appericate my situation. My life is great, even if somedays I might not believe it. I have shelter, food, health, and an education. Some people in other parts of the world don't have these things I take for granted. So I should appericate what I have while I have it.
   The advice I would given to people about how to "make the big choices in life" is to follow your heart. Don't over think your decisions and worry what other people will think of them. All that matters at the end of the day is that you're content with yourself and the choices you've made.