[FREE] A Dream Deferred

I wanted to be a model. Work for one of the top companies like Elite Model Management or FORD models. I had talent too. My photos were some of the best the photographers have ever taken. Having diversity was key, and I had it. It was my dream to rise to the top. To have multiple clients waiting to take photos of me. To fight, over me. But this dream was deferred.

I met a guy who had everything I was looking for. We fell in love a few years later and got married. Then I got pregnant with Emily, and it changed my whole world as I knew it. No one wanted to photograph someone for the cover of Vogue who was fat. No one would buy such a magazine, so I was put out of work. Out of my dream.

There was no possible way I could get back to where I was. They would have forgotten my name, my unique qualities, so I would have to prove myself worthy once again. How long would that take? Another eight years of my life? I would no longer be a young and fresh face but rather an attractive mid-aged woman. They would pick a younger woman over me in a heart-beat.

So here I sit, stirring my wine around the brims of my glass, listening to my baby cry. She has been screaming for hours now but I just sit by the door as calmly as before. She ruined my life. Why should I help her when she’s done nothing but destroy the one thing i enjoy? Maybe it's just the wine talking but I truly believe these things.

I run my fingers over the cold surface of the metal object on my lap and give a disturbing giggle.

I open my mouth slowly, “So this is how it’s going to end.”

With a breeze of courage and foul thoughts I bring the opening of the pistol to my head. Then I give one last pose before pulling the trigger.